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Setting The Tone of Your Relationships

If you’ve ever played a sport you’ve probably heard coaches harp on their players about setting the tone and starting each game on the right foot. Whether it be coming out aggressive or taking a more reserved approach, a team that can ultimately set the tone for how a game will be played has a great chance of success both in the short and the long term. But setting the tone of anything can only happen if you have a clear understanding of what it is you want to accomplish. That understanding is what drives your actions, your goals, your habits, and your outcomes.

In relationships, it is up to you to set the tone for how things will begin and how they will unfold. When you meet someone and smash on the first date you are setting the tone for the relationship to be sex first, questions and commitment later. When you impose a ’90-day rule’ on someone you are setting the tone that access to your life is contingent upon an arbitrary timeframe (that may or may not prove to be accurate, btw), and if you take your time and truly get to know someone and how they fit into your life in a meaningful way then you are setting the tone of intention, maturity, and patience. 

So the question begs to be asked. What tone have you been setting in your relationships? What tone are you setting right this very moment? Do you jump into the bedroom before jumping into deep, meaningful conversation? Do you break up with people after a few arguments or disagreements? Do you agree to a serious commitment before you truly know the type of person you’re dealing with? Regardless of who you are with or what your current relationship status is, you are always setting the tone for how your life and relationships will unfold.

Tired of people who only want sex from you? Stop giving them sex and set the tone! Sick of people who aren’t serious about marriage? Make it clear about what you want and what your intentions are and stop entertaining the company of anyone who does not want those same things. Set the tone. 

Relationship success is completely within your control if you are clear about what it is you truly want and then put forth the necessary effort and do the hard work of setting the tone without compromise. If you aren’t willing to do that then you won’t be able to blame anyone when your relationship outcomes aren’t what you expected.

Set the tone and watch the magic start happening.

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