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Dating Doesn't Work

Dating does not work. I repeat. Dating does not work. You may be thinking, “But I found my wife because of a blind date that my friend convinced me to go on,” or “I went on a few dates with a guy I liked and three years later, here we are.” That’s all fine and dandy, but the real question is what about the dozen or so failed dates before the one that finally worked? What about all of the people you had to siphon through to finally arrive at the person who it made sense to be with? How do you explain all of the money, time, energy, and resources you had to give up to “finally” find that special someone?

Although you eventually found your spouse, the point people miss is that it didn’t have to cost you so much in the process. You could have still had the same outcome without the negative side effects of dating and seeing what that other person was all about. You could have learned the lessons without the rushed, forced or ill advised commitments.

Granted, there are some fringe benefits to dating, as it does help you learn more about what you do want by experiencing what you don’t want. But if we’re honest and take inventory of our relationships, we’ll discover that these are all things we can discover about a person without going on a date with them or dating them over the course of several weeks, months, or years.

You might say that you don’t mind dating, that it’s fun for you to engage with others or that there’s no harm in grabbing a drink or dinner to test the waters. However, for those of you looking for a better way but not knowing how to articulate how you feel, there’s a simple solution. Stop dating people and focus on becoming friends first. If dating hasn’t worked up until this point, why keep following the same flawed system?

Anyone can dress nice for a few dinner dates. Anyone can put their best foot forward and try to ‘impress’ you for a short period of time. But when the dust clears, who they really are is what you’ll discover and that’s when the real work begins. That’s why simply dating doesn’t work.

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